Physical abuse is easy to spot, but emotional abuse is much more difficult to recognize as it doesn’t leave any physical marks. Emotional and mental abuse may be gradual or subtle, but it can take a toll on your health and well-being. According to Dr. Alddo Molinar, a leading authority on mental health, emotional abuse takes different forms. These include screaming at a partner, commenting on a partner’s appearance, putting down a partner, or violating their boundaries.
An emotionally abusive relationship typically involves subtle but malevolent forms of psychological abuse such as control, gaslighting, invalidation, and manipulation—deliberate or otherwise. These forms of emotional abuse are silent relationship killers, so it’s important to know how to recognize them.
It’s difficult to identify these red flags, as abusers often couch them in habits that victims often misinterpret as “acts of love”. In the beginning, the abuser may seem to be kind towards the victim, says Dr. Molinar. He notes this step plays a central role in the abuser’s “grooming process.” By pretending to be kind and caring, the perpetrator establishes trust with the victim. This makes the victim susceptible to manipulation and emotional abuse, he explains.
Emotional abuse can leave deep and long-lasting scars in a person’s life. Victims of emotionally abusive relationships may later suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD, and substance abuse issues. The warning signs of emotional abuse aren’t always obvious and can slip under the radar if we are not careful. But by learning to spot the signs of abuse, we can make a difference in our lives or others’ lives.
Dr. Alddo Molinar Discusses Emotional Abuse Signs
Emotional abuse can damage the mental health and social development of the victim.
Below, Dr. Alddo Molinar shares some telltale signs to watch out for:
Shifting the Blame
An emotionally abusive person will never admit they are wrong and will always try to make you feel like it’s your fault. They blame everything on someone else and find reasons to justify their behavior. They are also sensitive to personal criticism and never take responsibility for their actions and behavior. Accepting the blame for every minor mistake that occurs is a heavy burden for the abused to bear, notes Dr. Molinar.
Controlling and Coercive Behaviors
Coercive control is a form of persistent oppression that perpetrators use to instill fear. The abuser will often use strategies such as monitoring the victim’s activities or limiting their access to finances.
The abused will often feel bullied, minimized, or dismissed, Dr. Molinar says.
Controlling and coercive behaviors are a pernicious form of emotional abuse that keeps the victim stuck in a hostage-like situation.
Being Unreasonably Jealous
Jealousy is not just a problem for couples. It is also a common sign of emotional abuse in schools, offices, workplaces, and relationships. A jealous person often questions their partner’s actual intentions. They spy on their significant others and become insecure or clingy in their relationships. Jealousy can be insidious and damaging to any relationship. A jealous person tries to hold on to what they consider theirs–usually their lover or partner. When jealousy and envy get out of hand, it can damage a person’s mental health. It takes a willingness to overcome the critical inner voice in one’s head and all the insecurities that come with it. By learning how to manage our jealousy healthily, we can feel confident in ourselves and our partners.
According to Dr. Molinar Alddo, Insults and Put-Downs are also a major red flag
Being on the receiving end of insults and put-downs isn’t fun at all. These include name-calling, demeaning comments, or public humiliation. A partner may put you down, either privately or publicly, by questioning your abilities, intelligence, appearance, or mental health. They keep comparing you to others and blaming you for every minor problem in your relationship.
Issuing Threats
Physical assaults and sexual abuse are common forms of domestic violence. Threats are as devastating as the physical violence itself. Anyone who has already experienced physical violence can never doubt their partner’s ability to issue or carry out threats. According to Dr. Alddo Molinar, kicking or punching furniture, doors or walls, or hitting pets are potential signs of mental abuse.
Gaslighting: Dr. Alddo Molinar Explains
Gaslighting refers to a form of emotional abuse that causes you to doubt your sanity and experiences of reality. This sort of lying or arguing can make you lose trust in your competence, Dr. Molinar explains.
The abuser may manipulate the victim into doubting their feelings and emotions. They may also issue threats, such as harming themselves, threatening to leave the relationship, and blaming others for everything. Constant emotional or psychological abuse causes insecurity, fear, and low self-esteem in the victim.
Being Isolated
An emotionally abusive partner may cut their partner off from resources and support. They may stop you from doing things you love—school, work, sports, or social events. They may also interfere with your relationships with friends and family or even stop you from traveling to various places.
“Abusive partners keep things to themselves to fulfill their desires,” Dr. Molinar says.
“They use different tactics to isolate and bad-mouth their victims,” he adds.
Emotional rollercoaster
Unfortunately, an abuser may not only physically assault their victim but also throw them on an emotional rollercoaster from time to time. According to Dr. Molinar, psychological abuse leads to feelings of shame and guilt.
If you are constantly wondering whether your spouse cares about you, chances are they are trying to control and manipulate you. One moment they are a joy to be around, and the next moment they act indifferently.
Dr. Alddo Molinar Offers advice on what to do if you’re experiencing emotional abuse
The good news is that there’s hope and life after psychological abuse. Victims should learn how to overcome shame and guilt after psychological abuse, Dr. Molinar advises. Unfortunately, there is no miracle solution for this, he warns. Overcoming abuse-related trauma is an ongoing process, but recovery is possible. Therefore, it’s time to learn new skills and seek support.
Below, Dr. Alddo Molinar offers a few other tips on how to deal with an emotionally abusive relationship:
Dr. Alddo Molinar says it’s not your fault
Actively reminding yourself it is not your fault can be a powerful mantra for regaining control of your life.
Make your mental health a priority
Take good care of yourself and engage in positive thinking to stay grounded. That way, you will get the energy you need to handle mental and emotional stressors in a productive way.
Reach out for support
Speak to people you trust, including friends and family members. Confiding in someone else will help protect your body and mind against harmful internal stresses.
Seek professional advice
The stigma of emotional abuse and mental illness is a significant barrier to seeking support, Dr. Alddo Molinar says. However, you’re not alone, and there is no shame in seeking help, he adds. Millions of people seek professional help for mental health issues to improve their overall health and well-being. Choosing therapy can be the best gift you can give yourself. So, find a trusted therapist and regain control of your life and happiness!
