Why You Will Never Find Love Until You Love Yourself (And How To Do It)

Are you feeling lonely and unable to find that perfect person? Maybe you are stuck in a rut with someone who isn’t right, or you are wondering why you keep on attracting the wrong kind of toxic relationships? Too many people have deep-rooted issues when it comes to meeting the perfect partner, but rather than looking within for the answers we have a tendency to blame external influences. Thoughts like ‘nobody loves me’, ‘love is too painful’ or ‘being alone terrifies me’ are often subconscious reactions to negative experiences and fears, and many people reinforce these ideas (and therefore their current reality) without even realizing it.


In this 7-minute audio clip, Louise Hay, whose ground-breaking work on positive thinking and self-healing we recently featured here, explains how your own thought patterns could be the only thing stopping you from finding a healthy, loving and harmonious relationship with the perfect person.


“Personal relationships always seem to be the first priority for many of us,” she begins. “Perhaps you are always searching for love, but hunting for love doesn’t always bring the right partner because the reasons for searching are unclear.” She goes on to point out that “there’s a big difference between the need for love, and being needy for love. If you are needy for love, you are missing love and approval from the most important person you know: yourself.

Hay explains, in her simple yet powerful style, how feeling lonely and needy simply pushes people away. Only happy people are attractive to others, and controlling your own thoughts is the best way to achieve individual happiness. After outlining why this is the case, Hay then presents some useful affirmations for you to practice (5:49) in your search for self-appreciation.

Osho, another leading spiritual teacher, has put forward a similar message. He claims that only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of truly loving another. “It may seem paradoxical, but it is not,” he says. If you are happy and content in your own company, he advocates, you will be able to forge a healthy relationship: one that functions “without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other.” People who can do this, says Osho, “allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given from the other.”

Wise words of wisdom indeed. Please share if you found this video useful!

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